Decisions, Decisions

I just finished meeting with the Executive Board and I got some good news/bad news. The good news is that I am still planning to go to the UK the bad news is that I am not sure for how long at this point. As I mentioned before we do not have the funding yet for me to mover permanently in May, but there is some money for us to get things started there.

Myself and a colleague will arrive in London in the next 4 fours to continue the charity application, open accounts and tackle the mountain of paperwork necessary for accreditation. I am excited to get this adventure started, but I have to say that I am not exactly comfortable with the entire element of uncertainty. Don't get me wrong I love being spontaneous and all, but I wish I knew if I would be returning to SA in August to stay or for a short period.

Either way, I am vacating my house here in May. I thought I had people to sublet but they cancelled on me two days ago. So I am literally flying without a net! Who knows maybe this is God's not so subtle way of throwing me out of the nest into the big blue to soar or flop.

Let's hope I soar!

The Other Side of Faith

Yesterday the UK team got some hard news. We do not have the funding we initially projected for the team to launch as we planned this year. At this moment I am faced with question of faith. Do I believe what I cannot see or the circumstances I see in front of me?

My heart is leaning towards holding on to promises and scripture because it is it tendency to hope, while my head is racing with escape plans and damage control schemes. It is in these moments that I rediscover that faith not a one-time decision based on repeating some prayer in the front of a church with people cheering on your decision to dedicate your life to Christ as a Saviour. Actually faith has a point of initiation but it has to be chosen continually – habitually if you will for it to actually be effective and true.

It is like marriage, you do not say your vows on your wedding day and swipe your brow and say, "phew, I am glad I don't have to do that again," but the reality is you do. When your spouse has incensed you to the end of your patience, you have to choose to recommit to your vows. To have and hold, even when you want to let go; in sickness and health even when the thought of being with that person another minute makes you nauseous; until death do you part especially all your thoughts are devoted to clever ways to expedite the process. In those moments one has to choose again to believe that the relationship is worth restoring even though you can not see how or why it is necessary.

Choice is the other side of the coin that is faith. One does not exist without the other. So I am praying, again, that I make the choice to believe that which I do not see at this moment to come to pass because it was promised. Right now, I choose to choose faith in something more.

Blessed

Tonight Rachel and I celebrated our birthdays and upcoming departures from South Africa. The party was at Pangani, where I stayed when I first arrived here with NieuCommunities. It was weird seeing my past, present and future all in one place. For many C-Kruis people it was their first time going there and they could not believe the beauty and lushness there and they loved seeing my old room and the dogs I loved to play with. For much Pangani and their staff, it would be the first time they met the students that are such a big part of my life and meet some of the people who might join me in the UK next year. They were excited for me to go, but my heart broke with theirs as I realised that I might not see many of them for a long time.

Daleen, who is the maven of cool and all that is creative and good, had the guests write their goodbyes and words of encouragement on a South African flag she bought. It was the perfect gift, it was personal, small enough to carry with me on my travels and unique to where I had lived these past three and a half years. She always knows how to touch my heart in a simple and significant way.

Funny

Funny how things just fall into place. I had the opportunity to help someone who's life is lets just say not exactly in the best of places. Everything in me said it is not logical and he is not on the best of terms with many people on this campsite. Something in my heart told me that it was the right thing to do.

His name is Edwin and he loves metal, has big hair and a heart to match. He was on the C-Kruis teams for two years and recently his parents divorces emigrated from South Africa and left him here to fend for himself. He really wants to be on the US team next year but with all the recent set-backs it seems to becoming a distant dream. I offered to give him a place to stay, raise funds and meet with pertinent people about his future.

On the way to my home we were a bit anxious as we discussed the guidelines of having a 19 year old in my home. I wondered how he would fill his days and find work since there was no transportation and my place is quite remote. There were other questions too but I had a sense of peace. When we were dropped off we ran in to my neighbour, Greg, and exchanged our usual greetings over the fence. I introduced him to Edwin and Greg's next sentence was, "do you think any of your students might work for me at the end of the month?" And I smiled and reintroduced him to Edwin. Then my other neighbour Hannes, poked his head from his flat and how he was because I noticed that the pizza place where he worked was now closed. He told me that he would work with Greg until he starts his course in sound technology.

My mind raced and I called Edwin back outside and introduced the two. They are both into the same music and Edwin ran sound for our teams. Immediately they started chatting and Edwin exposed Hannes to Christian metal. I could almost hear God saying, "See I told you!" In a matter of moments Edwin had made a new friend and had the opportunity to work. Like I said early, it is funny how things just seem to fall into place.

The Climb

I have to say my time in London was a whirlwind to say the least. So much was accomplished but at the same time, I spied the mountain ahead we must climb. As I stood in its shadow I thought, only God can make this happen, then happily breathed a sigh of relief.

I met with many people for various reasons. A ministry called the Core that feeds homeless people through out the city; Scripture Union's Richard Shaw, who will help us work with UK schools and churches; artist who are interested in working with our ministry; barristers, consultants, schoolteachers and students whose input was invaluable; and friends both those I have longed to see and new ones I cannot wait to know better.

As of today we are officially registered as 13^thFLOOR as a company! Now we can apply for our charity status, open a bank account and tackle a mountain of paperwork. This was a very important step towards establishing ourselves in the UK. It moves us closer to becoming a recognized service organization that others seek for partnership. Several companies I met with are anxious for the completion of our accreditation so they can work with us.

I believe this trip encouraged me to dream big and trust deeply in all that God is doing and moving for this team to move to the UK. A few months back the story of Gideon was linked to our team, we will be a small but mighty army of ragtag individuals who follow God's lead into a victory. That is my prayer for us that we will always be in a position where God can lead us towards victory in the UK for the people we will encounter and hopefully transform.
It is time to start climbing!

Tears for Africa

So I thought it would be easy to walk away from South Africa - to move on to London and start a new life. Last night that hasty assumption was shattered in the most unlikely of circumstances.

Some of you may remember Adam Morris from my days at CAI; he is the son of one of the staff members who I befriended while we lead the first youth conference for missionary kids. Well Adam lives in Nottingham and came to the city last night so we could catch up. He bought tickets for us to see The Lion King musical and we had the most amazing seats. We are both theatre nuts so we expected to be in for an amazing time. The moment the curtains opened and the singers started to sing in Zulu, I broke out in tears!

I could not believe it! As the music and voices grew, I was reduced to a sobbing mess. At that moment, I started to realise how much I will miss Africa. It just snuck up on me. Suddenly, I was flooded with thousands of images, scenes and experiences that I will genuinely grieve as I move from the place of their origin.

It truly became Mama Africa, to me, because of the hearts of the many people who accepted me into their family. Africa, particularly South Africa, is a place and a country that is in metamorphosis and I too became caught up in her flux. I will miss crawling into to the warmth of her bosom, where one is nurtured and strengthened. Africa has made me stronger and I will carry her strength with me, but I also pray for the strength to leave her when the time comes.

Satisfaction

Tonight I tasted pleasure! I went to this little French Patisserie between meetings and ordered a French hot chocolate and a lemon raspberry tart. There are no words to describe the sheer ecstasy as the practically pure melted chocolate hit my tongue and danced around my mouth. I believe I discovered taste buds I do not even know I had! Sorry guys but it was one of the most sensual experiences I have ever had. Who knew food could taste like this. The accompanying dessert and drink seemed to play off one another, the perfect combination of crisp tartness and rich sweetness. I fell in love on the spot. Let's just say that it was satisfying.

The Return

Although I am tired I could not resist walking around the city. The sights and sounds of the city offer a sort of disjointed melody that sweeps me off my feet. With each breath and each cobblestone I walk over I am assured that this is where I want and need to be. This city is alive with something that infects you. Some people find this "sickness" nauseating and cannot wait to leave; others recover quickly and move on hoping to avoid the pitfalls of contamination in future. Me I want to this illness to linger and become a part of me while I am here – pollute my thinking, actions and being. London always feels like home when I come, now I get to start the process of making it home. London is like a lost lover that I put aside some years ago for loftier pursuits. Now that we are both a little wiser and confident it seems almost kismet that we discover each other again. I am happy to wrap myself in this wonderful city again.