Today is my 43rd birthday and I have to say that I am glad that I am in my 40’s. There is a liberation and freedom that comes with this decade that I would not trade with any 20 something. I realize that this is strange praise coming from someone who is in California, the US Capital of perpetual youth or as I like to call it Forever Plastic Surgery (you have to whisper the Surgery for full effect), but I have to say that each time I circle the sun, I discover more about the mystery that is life and myself.
For example, the older I get I seem to be able to shed the stigma of desiring the approval of the public at large. The opinion of people who love me and whom I love are what matters most. To me this is a gift, because this tight knot group of freaks that I call friends and colleagues want me to be my best and will say and do whatever they deem necessary for that to happen just because they love me – I do not need to decipher any hidden motives or sales pitch. It is just enough to know that people think I am cool to be with so they hang around and I tend to allow others not to like me and elect to be somewhere else. See simple.
Other things I seem to become reality to me as I mature into my me-ness.
Being able to see your idiosyncrasies as a something to laugh at with others as opposed to feeling inadequate.
Being able to see that there is a balance between things you do well and things that are best left up to others. Who wants to spend time and energy doing something that you can celebrate in another who is outstanding.
True friendship is something to ever be taken lightly not held too tight.
There are many more but maybe some of you are a bit too young for them yet. Besides it is part of the your personal journey to discover some of your own pearls as you submerge yourself in the treasure we call life.
Many Blessing to you all from the happily aging birthday girl!
Wednesday 20 February 2008
Monday 18 February 2008
Signing Off
I have to say that I am overcome with an avalanche of feelings about leaving something that has meant so much to me. South Africa opened the door to so many things in my life and she instilled a deepness and honor I hope to carry with me for the rest of my life. The people taught me about more about laughter, selflessness and hospitality; the land taught me about the wildness of beauty; the animals taught me how to praise; the economy taught me about appreciation; the history taught me about diversity over tolerance. These are the few things that have risen to the top when I muse over my time there.
I am also heavy in heart about leaving my dearest friends behind, Bryan, Daleen, Elizabeth (Lizzy), and Hilde. These people are some of the best humans I have ever met. I am at a loss when I try to think of how I will cope without them being a car ride away. They have seen me in all my colors of crazy and brilliance – and they survived to tell me that I made it through another tragic day. They are rare and precious jewels that I leave behind, knowing they will enhance the beauty of the country. I miss you so much, forever.
Last but not least, I am tear-filled over leaving 13thFLOOR. I am so enriched by the opportunities I explored within this ministry and all I learned from the students and staff there. Leaving the students is like a knife in my heart. They became my babies and I became their mother, mamma and friend. The ties run deep and will be hard to sever. I know that the distance means so relationships will end, while others will remain tethered to my heart for a lifetime, and both cause me to ache at the indefinite separation. My babies helped me to grow and become more, because I always wanted to give them my best, because I believed it was the very least they deserved (Thank you!). I dream and hope they fly higher than I ever dreamed of going myself; maybe someday the winds will cause our paths to drift together again but if not, I my heart would be pleased to see you soaring above.
Tears of joy and sadness fill my eyes again as the necessary goodbyes materialize in my consciousness. Every going is filled with newness and adventure that fills me with excitement – this energy propels me toward risks and the uncertainty. But going also implies a leaving. Abandon is the ugly sister to Adventure that comes along on every voyage. She is the one that travelers like to avoid, but she is there nonetheless. Every time a season changes in my life, indicating that it is time to go to a new land, I immediately commit to the new direction but I bristle at leaving what I have come to love. It is painful because the lack of proximity does not break the affections and adoration; it often heightens it making the leaving more perilous. Making peace with the going and leaving is never easy, but I know it will eventually come as I continue onward, becoming richer for the journey.
I am also heavy in heart about leaving my dearest friends behind, Bryan, Daleen, Elizabeth (Lizzy), and Hilde. These people are some of the best humans I have ever met. I am at a loss when I try to think of how I will cope without them being a car ride away. They have seen me in all my colors of crazy and brilliance – and they survived to tell me that I made it through another tragic day. They are rare and precious jewels that I leave behind, knowing they will enhance the beauty of the country. I miss you so much, forever.
Last but not least, I am tear-filled over leaving 13thFLOOR. I am so enriched by the opportunities I explored within this ministry and all I learned from the students and staff there. Leaving the students is like a knife in my heart. They became my babies and I became their mother, mamma and friend. The ties run deep and will be hard to sever. I know that the distance means so relationships will end, while others will remain tethered to my heart for a lifetime, and both cause me to ache at the indefinite separation. My babies helped me to grow and become more, because I always wanted to give them my best, because I believed it was the very least they deserved (Thank you!). I dream and hope they fly higher than I ever dreamed of going myself; maybe someday the winds will cause our paths to drift together again but if not, I my heart would be pleased to see you soaring above.
Tears of joy and sadness fill my eyes again as the necessary goodbyes materialize in my consciousness. Every going is filled with newness and adventure that fills me with excitement – this energy propels me toward risks and the uncertainty. But going also implies a leaving. Abandon is the ugly sister to Adventure that comes along on every voyage. She is the one that travelers like to avoid, but she is there nonetheless. Every time a season changes in my life, indicating that it is time to go to a new land, I immediately commit to the new direction but I bristle at leaving what I have come to love. It is painful because the lack of proximity does not break the affections and adoration; it often heightens it making the leaving more perilous. Making peace with the going and leaving is never easy, but I know it will eventually come as I continue onward, becoming richer for the journey.
Monday 11 February 2008
Hello Goodbye
I spent most of last week at the International Mentoring Network’s Humana 02.08 conference. I had a wonderful time and met some amazing people who are asking questions about how the post-modern church will shape the future and how we might charter a path to get there. I was truly inspired to meet people working all over America, Switzerland, Germany, Scotland and England who are seeking in the same heart, but have so many ways to express the love of God for the world, creation, and mankind. This gathering was also coupled a few music events that featured Jettison Never.
There was also a reunion of with what my new friend Derek (a.k.a “Tangent”) coined as the “trifecta,” Shawna Snow, Ali Watson and myself. It was the first time we had been together since I left Europe. There were many good times filled with deep conversations and lots of laughter. It was great to see them but it broke my heart for us to separate again after such a sweet reunion.
I flew home on Sunday, to make the acquaintance of my new electronic friend, my MacBook Pro! I have not given her a name (yes it is a her – there are ways to tell) but I prefer the American Indian approach where we wait until the character of the child reveals itself.
Last but not least I have had to face one of my hardest goodbyes to date. I sent in my letter of resignation to 13thFLOOR on today. This decision was labored in prayers, consultation and guidance. I will really miss the people and the love I encountered in South Africa. I will miss the students most of all and I am grateful for every second I spent with them. I am happy that what they taught me will always be with me. I think I grew in ways that would not have been possible without being there. South Africa was truly mother Africa to me and she nursed me in ways that I never would have dreamed.
Right now I feel like so much is going in and out of my life. I feel like the moment something ends then something new begins and vice versa. The Beatles' song Hello, Good Bye seems fitting, so I will leave you with this.
I spent most of last week at the International Mentoring Network’s Humana 02.08 conference. I had a wonderful time and met some amazing people who are asking questions about how the post-modern church will shape the future and how we might charter a path to get there. I was truly inspired to meet people working all over America, Switzerland, Germany, Scotland and England who are seeking in the same heart, but have so many ways to express the love of God for the world, creation, and mankind. This gathering was also coupled a few music events that featured Jettison Never.
There was also a reunion of with what my new friend Derek (a.k.a “Tangent”) coined as the “trifecta,” Shawna Snow, Ali Watson and myself. It was the first time we had been together since I left Europe. There were many good times filled with deep conversations and lots of laughter. It was great to see them but it broke my heart for us to separate again after such a sweet reunion.
I flew home on Sunday, to make the acquaintance of my new electronic friend, my MacBook Pro! I have not given her a name (yes it is a her – there are ways to tell) but I prefer the American Indian approach where we wait until the character of the child reveals itself.
Last but not least I have had to face one of my hardest goodbyes to date. I sent in my letter of resignation to 13thFLOOR on today. This decision was labored in prayers, consultation and guidance. I will really miss the people and the love I encountered in South Africa. I will miss the students most of all and I am grateful for every second I spent with them. I am happy that what they taught me will always be with me. I think I grew in ways that would not have been possible without being there. South Africa was truly mother Africa to me and she nursed me in ways that I never would have dreamed.
Right now I feel like so much is going in and out of my life. I feel like the moment something ends then something new begins and vice versa. The Beatles' song Hello, Good Bye seems fitting, so I will leave you with this.
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
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