My Dance with Grace

In recent days I have come to realize my relationship with Grace has been in disrepair. What’s Grace? I see it as a force not an it, so I choose to see Grace much like I would see a person who always adds a certain elegance to what is before her. Grace can only build on something, she cannot fathom something upon nothing. Grace is that desirable illustrious creature that offers herself completely and unselfishly to anyone who seeks her wholeheartedly – the catch - you have to continually seek her and fight to stay with her.

I have been examining the nature of my relationship with Grace and I could best quantify it as merely accidental brushes here and there. I can imagine grace as a noun or verb - something I desire to exude; when it comes to receiving or living with her, I have been lacking more times than I care to admit. She often invites me to come dance with her and when I do it is always wonderful and free, but it is so specific and ornate at the same time. When I am willing our movements start to intertwine, I become strangely unnerved and unraveled. Things begin to fall away and appear in ways I do not understand when you are moving with Grace. It feels so off-kilter - I can either move away or I can fall into Grace. If try to grab something to steady myself Grace disappears as quickly as she arrived. If I try to hold onto Grace, my grip is useless I just crash into Grace. When embraced the peace and disruption seem to explode at the same time. It is hard to be cool or feel in control when you are leaning into Grace. You follow and try to press into something that cannot be held or contain. You never feel more alive and ridiculously useless at the same time.

As we lumber along I start to I think this cannot be what it is suppose to be. I was expecting something else… I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten to this place with Grace only to find myself pushing away. But once I am on my own again, I eventually come to my senses and realize what I left. Sometimes I am bold enough to I think I can recreate it on my own without her but somehow I just end up further from where I wanted t be. Just when I think there is nothing more I can do and I lay everything down, I turn the corner and there she is again. She approaches with her arms open inviting me in.