What A Day

You ever have one of those mornings that you wish you could stay in bed all day but can’t because you are expected somewhere and it is too late to cancel?

That is how this morning started for me. I was sick and spent most of the previous afternoon in bed trying to stave of whatever bug that was trying to keep me down. When I tried to open my puffy eyes I could feel that my head was on the verge of imploding under the sinus pressure. But I had to get up it was Reckoning’s first event today in Bos en Lommer!

We got the kids ready and dressed and out the door 10 minutes after we were suppose to leave and the throbbing in my head seemed to quicken as my pace did through out the day. We made out way to the Bos en Lommerplein and I jumped out of the car to track down anyone who could let us know where we our booth would be located. It took 7 degrees of separation before I found someone I recognized and could take me to the one person who had the lay of the land and pointed us in the right direction. At this point I was trying to convince myself that it would be worth staying after the set up instead of returning to the comfort and warmth of bed.

It has been my experience though on days like these, when you have nothing to give beyond your presence and you are not really sure you even want to offer that much, that wonderful things happen. Things you never imagined or thought to ask for; today was no different.

It was miraculous that we were asked to be in this festival in the first place. Through the sports and culture director of Bos en Lommer, we were unexpectedly introduced to the New West Regional Directors of Cultural Arts and Education. These two women were so impressed with our off the cuff presentation of Reckoning that they provided a booth for Reckoning to participate in the upcoming Festival in Bos en Lommer. They wanted to help us initiate relationships with the community we desired to work in. For this reason I got up and went and stayed.

But in reality I got more than I expected by being there. We had so many kids show up and watching them express their creativity was well worth it! There are so many stories but I will share my favorite of the day. At one point I think we had about 15 kids making Artist’s Trading Cards and about 7 kids painting at the canvas, three little boys came up to the art supplies and each grabbed what they could and ran off in separate directions but met behind shed on the other side of the road. I am sure that they assumed Ali and I were too busy to see them but I caught the whole thing. So I left the kids and walked around to the side of the building and held out my hands. It was amazing how quickly the kids started making excuses in English. I took the items said thank you and walked away. I told them they could come back and participate if they wanted to. A few hours later when we were cleaning up I saw the boy who was the ring leader standing off to the corner. I grabbed a set of coloring pencils and walked over to him. He immediately started saying, “ I did not take anything else, I swear!”

I stopped him and said, “I know, now that we are finished I want you to have them – here’s two more for your friends.”

He was really confused; he did not know whether to be sad or happy. “I told you, I did not take more, why are you giving me this? I took from you, I don’t deserve this.”

“Maybe not, but I want to give them to you anyways.” So these are for you, I hope you can use them.”

“Thank you …I am sorry…thank you,” he mumbled with his head held down.

I reached down and touched his shoulder and I waited for him to look up and then I said, “You’re welcome, I hope I see you when I come back in October, bring your friends.”

He put his head down then walked away. When he crossed the street I saw him look back and flash me a big smile.

I could not think of a better way to express grace. When you deserve to be punished for your action but instead you are given what you do not deserve. I hope that is the experience that he left with. I also experienced it myself in that I was feeling horrible and did not want to be there, but having that moment made me realize that I also received more than I gave or deserved.

Choosing Joy

“I have the best mom ever!”

These are the unsolicited words of a five year old after she received an unexpected bike from her mother, Shawna Snow.

Apparently, while out shopping for a bike for her son, Shawna decided to purchase more sophisticated bicycle for the wee one. When the bike was dropped at the house Shawna had to go to the bank. Shea burst out to the back to tell me about her new bike. We ran back into the house to revel in her delight. As she was describing all the improvements over her old bike, her excitement grew and eventually sang out, “I have the best mom ever!”

Watching her joy, made me think about how I so easily forget to be awe-filled and thankful when unexpected provision comes my way. In that moment I became envious of her abundant and sustainable glee. I wish I could celebrate that way, instead of quickly snapping back into the ever-present problems in my reality. How did I loose that ability? Why was I convinced that joy is fleeting, when it is actually a choice and perspective? When did I start shifting so quickly to what is temporary and changing my viewpoint, choices and emotions accordingly?

For over an hour Shea waited for her mom to return from the bank, but her fervor only grew with time. When Shawna retuned from Shea’s maiden voyage on the bike, I was invited to take a spin with her as well. So much to ponder in that moment, but then I stopped and decided to live in the excitement brought on by this invitation. I shifted internally and together, lead by the grace of a five year old, I leaned into bliss.

The Guru

Tonight I attended a bhajan mandalis aka “bhajan” (a gathering to sing bhajans/devotionals) at the family home of a friend’s in Surrey County London. It was a celebration and gathering spurred by the attendance of a family guru or spiritual leader. Apparently this guru’s ancestors were responsible for reintroducing Hinduism to India and my friend’s family has been a disciples of guru’s lineage ever since. From I understand this guru’s family lineage is known for being very gifted and highly revered. Although my main motivation was to go and support my friend and her family who I have come to love, I was also interested in the new experience.

We arrived late to the house and rushed through an obstacle course of shoes (one removes them when entering an Indian home), relatives who were hosting the Bhajan and disapproving looks due to our tardiness. After quickly changing into something more appropriate, we descended the stairs and entered into overflowing rooms filled with about 200 family members who were anxiously waiting to hear from their Baba. We arrived just in time for the initial introductions and blessings of the hosting family (phew) then we sat and made ourselves ready for the coming message by joining in song.

Although I could not understand the words being sung, I could participate in the melody and inflections of the music and singing. The energy and rhythms were infectious and we all clapped hands or tapped along to the music. The people were beautiful, especially the older women. The petite yet powerful grandmothers had faces, which seemed to glow with pride as they surveyed the burgeoning room filled with their descendents. They were honored and respected by everyone in the room; everyone fought to attend to their every desire, need and movement. With their hair simply pulled back into tightly woven buns and understated saris, they stood out in the crowd and drew everyone’s attention – they had presence and grace that just drew you in. Their longevity acted as pillars of great wisdom for the future generations to glean support.

We sat for over three hours joined in song interspersed with messages from the guru. Although I could understand very little of what was said (due to language barrier), one thing really stuck out to me. Baba spoke about the gap between the generations regarding the significance of their faith. Most youth struggle to reconcile religious traditions and spirituality. Somewhere the meanings behind the rituals became lost on the youth, making many Hindu customs seem irrelevant. No matter where I go in the world this seems to be a growing concern of spiritual leaders across many faiths (finally) and a common thread they all share and struggle with daily. I found it interesting Christians and Hindus are experiencing the same tensions and challenges brought on by the wanting to preserve what is significant without holding onto ritualistic behavior that may appear hollow to younger believers. Today most people search for something real and significant; they reach beyond religion and tend to side step anything that cannot fill that void. This is very true also of the Hollanders I meet.

It made me think about how my walk of faith might be perceived by others. Is it something dynamic, comprehensible and inviting to others or does it seem like the mutterings of a woman who is trapped in her habitual rendition of faith? I hope that the people I meet see the former rather than the latter and feel encouraged by and not separated from what and how I believe. That question is one that I will ask myself often as I continue my journey as a Christ follower. Even though we never spoke nor did I engage in the Guru’s teachings, I walked away from that evening a question that will help me evaluate how I am living out what is most important to me.

David Crowder is ridiculous!

I mean just look at the guy! He looks like a reject from a rehab leading a rag-tag group of ragamuffins. If you have ever heard him speak or try to articulate something outside of verse and music you may have walked way thinking you just had a bad acid trip. But I have to admit that I cannot help but feel happy every time I look on his face. I lock on to his face and I become giddy and expectant.

I am usually one to run away from worship concerts as they are so not my scene and listening to people sing the same verse ad nausea truly unsettles me. I prefer solitude and intimacy, but last night as I looked upon the man completely unfettered by the jumping, screaming crowd of youngsters in front of him. I could see it in his eyes…he was just having a good time we just happened to be there. That is rare quality to find in many artists these days…someone who is fighting to push himself while having the time of their lives regardless of who is watching.

So again I say…the man IS ridiculous but he is also outstanding. He encourages me to do the same in my life.

Besides, he makes me smile and giggle to that makes me appreciate him.

Gotta Dance

This weekend Ali and I helped out at a friend’s wedding. We did or best to make sure that the couple and wedding party were able to enjoy themselves without worrying about the incalculable details that come with the wedding reception. Although we spent hours on our feet with little time to slow down, the reward at the end of the night made it all seem worth it.

After the food was cleared away and order was restored to the kitchen, we were released from our duties and invited to join in the celebration. I was really tired and was considering heading home for the night – but then the DJ started to play. If you know me well, you know how much I love music and that it is near impossible for me not to dance no matter how tired I am. And boy did I dance! For the next few hours I made the dance floor my primary occupation. After about an hour Ali came in and joined me and we got down to funk music from the 70’s and 80’s.

Something happens when I dance – I become happy from the inside out and experience pure joy and childlikeness. I see something similar in others as we move together on the floor each bringing out unique styles to the playground. Everyone plays well together, there are no bullies and everyone gets their turn; the place is filled with laughter and intensity at the same time. Like kids at play, your language, age, or history do not matter when you dance. You create your own culture together and celebrate each other’s company, all without the hindrance of words. You just enjoy yourself and the others as the music moves you.

When I freestyle dance I experience a freedom like no other. For lack of better words, I really find my groove. There is no room for insecurities or malcontent, as the music plays I just express of who I am while mingling with others doing the same. Somehow on the dance floor we make room for each other’s essence when we really let go and just dance. It was great to be in a room full of people who get that and do so with out hesitation.

When I went out dancing in the US, that kind of experience only happened in the company of a few friends I could really clown with on the dance floor. If they were not with me, there was hardly anyone engaged that kind of autonomy as they moved and I would feel displaced. But when we got together with kindred soul, we would just enjoy what we created and embodied on the dance floor; maybe that is why we loved it so much and would go out of our way to do it so often. Dancing on Saturday made me miss and celebrate them. Veronica, Megan and Eddie were with me in spirit as I mused on the dance floor. I remembered all the freedom and laughter we shared and wished you were with me to experience the collective camaraderie. I know you would have loved it as much as I did and you would have stayed on your feet with me for as long as they could carry us.

That is so Dutch!

Last week an agent was showing Phenny’s apartment to two potential renters (both from the UK) and the following happened…

While the clients were looking at the place I asked the agent how things were going with the placement. As the people were coming down the stairs the agent blurted, “well the place is already rented out to someone, we are just showing it until they meet the owner!” You should have seen the look on the couples face! They were shocked, but I just had to chuckle. Believe it or not bluntness is quite the norm here. Diplomacy is optional.

Another example:

The week before, Christine and I went to a French Café near Shawna’s home to have a glass of wine and get to know each other. The place was empty so I went inside to tell the owner that we wanted to sit outside for drinks. She replied…”We are a restaurant and you can get drinks at the pub on the corner.”

Time is very valuable to the Dutch; it is not wasted on those who do not warrant it. They lavish it on friends and family or projects that are meaningful, but rarely on a happenstance. If there is no immediate sense of value they become very frugal. It is one of the things I find so endearing about the culture. I know it may come across as harsh, but when I climb behind the initial shock and awe to discover their heart, I cannot help but embrace the Dutchness.

4 Days

This weekend Embellish, one of Reckoning’s companies, participated in the Atelier Celebration in Amsterdam. Atelier is the Open Studios Tour in Amsterdam's Jordaan Area which started in 1988 as a small-scale initiative of fifteen artists working in this picturesque old neighborhood, it has, over the years, grown into a phenomenon that draws many visitors and has become internationally known.

The Open Studios attract thousands of visitors to the Jordaan’s artist community. This year there is art in abundance - to see, to buy, and to discuss with the artist. It is an ideal way for galleries to scout for new talent. Ali was able to make some major contacts for Embellish and Reckoning and it gave us a chance to meet new neighbors in the Jordaan.

Yesterday we participated in the Serve the City Amsterdam’s kid’s party in Bos en Lommer. Bos en Lommer is a section of Amsterdam with over 30,000 residents living in 2.71 km area (about 1.6 miles) representing over 178 cultural backgrounds. Many of the recent residents are new immigrants who are separate from much of Dutch culture. They are often marginalized socially, culturally and economically in their adopted country and the children are trying to cope within this reality without the necessary skills to navigate through such obstacles.I had fun playing with the kids, serving water to parents and making pannenkoeken, a tasty dessert, for the children.

There was one 18-month-old girl in particular I noticed when I first arrived. She was of Middle Eastern descent and at the park with her grand parents and she never smiled, not once, while she was walking around the playground. Her distraught grandparents tried to get her to play on the swings, slides and seesaw, but she wandered around resisting everyone and everything. Then the face-painting area set up and she was one of the first children to participate. She sat in complete stoicism as the girls touched her face and began to paint. What broke the dam was when she looked in the mirror and saw her little face a smile finally erupted and she giggled and clapped her hands! It was like watching a new child emerge from with in her. For the rest of the afternoon she was running and playing and engaging with others. It warmed my heart to see how something so simple and creative could have such a profound change in a child.

By using art as a platform to facilitate transformation, Reckoning hopes to address some of the essential issues, which shape a child’s personal identity and their place in the world.

Today we are headed to Bos en Lommer for meetings with Podium Mozaïek to discuss a proposal to hold a Reckoning Event and offer workshops in the Bos en Lommer area. We have such a desire to connect and become part of this community and we believe that there are incredible opportunities that lie ahead for everyone involved, but most especially the children of Bos en Lommer.