Is Lent the Christian Version of Ramadan?

This was the topic of discussion that brought out a number of people to participate in Resto van Harte’s dinner in Schiemond last evening. Resto is a unique organisation whose aim is to create community in rather disparate neighbourhoods by hosting weekly dinners and conversations. The gatherings take place in a local community centre amongst Rotterdam’s crowded government apartments. Last night’s presentation was just as interesting and multifaceted as the diverse group of people who came.

The speakers included a Muslim Imam, Jewish Rabbi, Christian Pastor and a special address from Rotterdam’s first Moroccan mayor, Ahmed Aboutaleb. The Rabbi shared about the significance of Yom Kippur being a time of fasting for atonement, while the Imam shared how Ramadan’s fast helps a follower to attain virtues like humility, while the Pastor spoke about Lent being a time of reflection and prayer to prepare for Holy Week and the celebration of Christ’s Resurrection. It was hard to understand everything that was said (because it was spoken in Dutch and I am still struggling to learn) but I found it interesting that the Imam kept mentioning samenwerk, or team work as a theme of Ramadan.

The people I sat with were also full of colour and conviction. Across from me was a man and woman who became friends through a recovery home. Marion shared that she was from Surinam and had lived in Rotterdam for 36 years. She has four children she rarely sees because of her struggles with addiction. Otto is a young man who recently moved from the home to navigate his life from the perspective of sobriety. There were some older women at the other end of the table but the language barrier kept us from sharing. The three ladies were quite happily engaged in their own conversation.Seated behind me was a table of women, mostly related, from Morocco with their children. They were very friendly and open to sharing about their culture and faith. Each stated that they rely on each other for support since they live about 100 km from their families.

I asked everyone I spoke with what they felt was needed the most attention for change in their community, they all echoed the same frustration - crime and drugs brought to their neighbourhood by young men from bordering areas. They believe these young men leave their own neighbourhood because they fear their families’ punishment for their abhorrent behaviour. Most of these youths are out of work and spend their days on the street causing havoc and being especially tyrannical towards women. Otto said, “I would find it hard to be a woman living here, you do not have the freedom to live your life on your own without being bothered.” It seems to be pretty endemic to the poor urban centres throughout North Holland. Should Reckoning be invited to partner with organisations like Resto and GreenGraffiti I am sure we will have the opportunity to touch on this issue.

The evening was well worth the lengthy train ride. It was great to meet and share life with others and organisations that are trying to impact and empower communities. Resto’s weekly dinner program allows people an opportunity to come together in a safe environment. Jim Bowes was sitting at table next to an elderly man who recently lost his wife. When he spoke about being alone, Jim shared that the man seemed to fold into himself at the mention of solitary life. Resto is providing a platform for otherwise isolated or marginalised people to integrate with others. It will take time and effort for some to engage those who are “different” but it is good that Resto van Harte creates a place for all people share a meal and conversation.

Picture from Resto van Harte’s Picasa Gallery

A Wedding That Changed Hearts

Yesterday my dear friends Shawna and Naos were married in the typical Dutch fashion with a few twists.

In the Netherlands marriage has become a rare commodity in recent decades. Most couples live together without a passing thought about matrimony. For most people here, marriage has been stripped and reduced to the perfunctory signing of documents before a registered government official. It is costly and often without significance, so most couples do not see the point of subjecting themselves to a “meaningless” exercise. Having a wedding in a church is more ridiculous because it is an addition to the state mandated process. I live in a society where a large majority see faith more as a farce and have no connection to a parish. Argument over the matter is futile from this context as most can not imagine another viable alternative.

Shawna and Naos’ wedding was the “third option.” They deliberately brought the spiritual and sanctity of marriage into the ordinary process of a civil service. The ceremony blended two often opposing forces to create something beautiful and accessible to everyone, no matter their perspective about marriage. Instead of the usual 10 minutes of signing documents, the couple selected the largest marriage venue, which allowed many friends to come, and extended the ceremony to include an exchange of vows and readings by yours truly. The ceremony was informal and lively but deep with meaning.

Many of our friends who were adamant against or ambivalent towards marriage experienced a shift as they participated in the ceremony. Some expressed a desire to be married to their current partners or in the future. The ceremony also sparked many questions and conversations about spirituality, God, religion and faith. Revealing to people that marriage and unconditional love are symbolic representations of the relationship the Lord desires to have with humanity was profound especially to those who position themselves far outside the circles of faith.

Shawna asked me to share about marriage in the ceremony and it really seemed to strike a cord with people. Several have asked if I would be willing to speak more with them about faith and marriage and a few have approached me about speaking at their weddings. It was really amazing to be a part of such a beautiful moment. It is a blessing to know also that what was shared really resonated with those who came. I have included what has been deemed “the speech” below.

Many would consider marriage a mystery and wonder why people would do it, but I consider it a mystery because I see vast depth of meaning and symbolism. There is something miraculous about the declaration of marriage as it transforms a couple into something more than just a relationship between two people. Marriage is an invitation to the sacred. A declaration of marriage invites the rest of the world to witness something that is sacrificial, committed, unconditional even holy. This is why mystics have come to say that marriage serves as reflection of the love and fidelity between God and his people.

The love that Naos and Shawna share has brought them to this place of invitation. They are inviting us to lovingly support their union and encourage them believe the best in each other always. They are inviting us to witness the daily sacrifices they will make for each other that will enrich and strengthen their relationship and deepen their love. It is an invitation to Spirit of God to transform them individually and corporately as they rely on God’s love to lead them.

The fidelity and faithfulness of marriage transforms the “ifs” and “untils” sentiments of a relationship to “I am committed” and “I will” statements and actions required of unconditional love. Naos and Shawna’s love for each other gives us insight into the love of God.

"Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always 'me first,' doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end."

I have been watching Naos and Shawna love each other these many months. Two people from different worlds have managed to come together and create something that is unique and precious. I have seen Naos draw out Shawna’s fears by lovingly creating space for her to share her feelings without shame. I have watched Shawna encourage and support Naos’ dreams and desires without tiring. Their relationship is built on mutual trust and continually giving through circumstance and misunderstanding. The two have become one in unity and purpose. It is beautiful and disarming to know that they are willing to work past their differences for the sake of uncovering what is sacred in each other and deepening their love and commitment to one another. I consider it a privilege to witness this union and the beauty that will unfold in their marriage.