Categorically Baffled

Black, 5’7, INFJ, D/S, 2 who presents as a 4, 90, female, African-American. And the list just goes on and on. Even if I were to offer you the results of every single test I have taken and listed every category or stereotype I could conjure that might label me, you would not claim to know me. So why do we think that we actually can sum up a person’s behavioral motives by smacking a label on people based on our cursory knowledge of some random stereotype or test (that took years to hone mind you)?

It seems to me like just another excuse not to know anyone deeply. Tell me if this is familiar, you share something about yourself that is revealing and the person, smiles knowingly, laughs, then sings out “You must be an F?”Or some other alphabetical stamp. Then this person takes the posture of addressing you as some case study that needs to be solved. In that moment, I am stumped. I think to myself, is that all you have to say? Could you be anymore halting in what could be intimacy? Now I know that these categories are tools to help you understand and relate with others better, but I think we have moved past their intended usefulness onto something that has become pejorative and stereotypical. I have a name and experiences I would like to share with you and enter into a dialog that can lead to a deeper knowing and now I feel stopped dead in my tracks because you think that you know so much about me that you can predict my motives and thoughts. If I refute your armchair diagnosis then I am just acting out some negative manifestation of your prescribed category and what I share is dismissed. It is frustrating!

It seems these test results in popular culture are like any other stereotype. Stereotypes seem to be descriptions used to globally define something so that there is not need for further investigation, explanation or understanding. If a person looks at you and says, “Oh your White and from Orange County so you must be a republican and drive a SUV,” you’d be a little offended wouldn’t you? Even though the statistics may be in favor of such a statement or correct in your case, aren’t you put off because you think that you are more than such a small label?

What if we came back to the core of what these test were designed for, to foster deeper relationship and understanding of the subject, not as a way to objectify and define. If you notice that someone has D traits from the DISC test, wouldn’t it be more inviting to say to the person, I notice that you have strong convictions, do you find it easy to make decisions? And then you wait quietly for the reply. It invites more freedom in the conversation and leaves room for discussion. Just a thought, what do you think?